Crazy times...

I didn't realize how long it had been since I updated this thing until I checked and saw that it was at the beginning of this semester! I was reading my blog from the beginning of the semester and laughed to myself about the expectations (or lack thereof) that I had for what Jesus could accomplish in these past few months. There was a ton of anxiety with dear friends moving out of town, a lack of passion for school, and generally low expectations for anything exciting happening. It's funny how I could not have been more wrong.

There is one thing that I feel like God has been speaking to me pretty consistently throughout this semester, and it's this: Be faithful to me...in the big and small things...and just see what I can do!

There have been so many different things that have happened in the last couple months that have required me to be honest with myself and with others about what's on my heart. High school Brittany would have chosen to not share anything and to live out of the fear and anxiety of what could happen if I actually let myself be where I am. I could not be more thankful that the Lord just wouldn't let me do that in this season.

Some of the exciting things that Jesus has been doing lately...

I'm going to India. My heart pretty much screams when I think about it. Even for a second. I've felt like God has been calling me to go there since early high school. It's happening, people. I'm going with the most fabulous group of people from our campus ministry. We'll be working with a children's home and will be gone for 2 weeks. God is already using this to restore so many things and the trip isn't even until August. I just get teary eyed when I think of God's faithfulness. It's written all over this, and I cannot be more thankful.

I have a boyfriend. What?! I am so thankful for this season of my life, and, of course, the man that I get to experience it with! In the short time that we've been dating, God has been teaching me so much about myself and how my heart works. I've been learning more and more about my insecurities and how Jesus can ease them when I allow Him to. I'm excited for this year!

Gradschoooolllll. Unless Jesus decides to change His mind, I'm pretty sure that I'm staying in Orlando and will attend grad school at UCF. I'm going to go for a masters in Mental Health Counseling. I can't wait. I really feel like counseling will be something that I will be passionate about for life. Now just to get through the rest of undergrad to get there...and to enjoy every minute of it!

If ya'll want to join me in prayer for a few things, I'd be so appreciative!

• Support for India. I am totally confident in the Lord's faithfulness, but prayer won't hurt! I'll be raising most of the support through prayer/support letters, so prayers that the Lord would put it on people's hearts to support the mission would be great! Also, if you're interested in receiving a letter yourself, email me at brittany.n.baker@gmail.com.
• I start my first internship this semester and I'm just not finding myself to be very excited about it. Prayers that God would put passion in my heart for the children that I get to work with would be so wonderful!

Wishing you all the happiest new year!

August Awesomeness

August is quickly shaping up to be the best month of my life.

1. I go on vacation to Savannah, GA for a week with my family.
2. My birthday present from my parents is a spa day which will be taking place on said vacation.
3. Staff and leadership retreat are happening!
4. I'm going to Georgia with Becca to visit people and go to Constantine's hometown and restaurant (from the Bachelorette!)!!!!! Don't judge us. It's definitely going to be the most awesome weekend ever.
   
5. Kris and Sarah are getting married!!
6. I'm going to Clearwater with Lindsay, Logan, and James. The darned awesome hell raisin' bakers will be reunited!
7. Hopefully at some point I will be making a trip down to Miami with Lauren to visit Aamir!!
   
8. And then...school starts.
   

It may seem strange that I'm excited for school to start, but really, I'm just excited for the people that I love and miss to return to Orlando. I'm also really excited to meet all the students who will be involved with Freshley this year!

I can't believe that I'll be entering into my senior year...college has been such a whirlwind. I've had some anxiety recently about this upcoming year and what it will look like with so many people who are dear to me moving out of Orlando to pursue what the God has called them to, but the Lord has been giving me peace about it. I tend to underestimate God's goodness and am always pleasantly surprised with what He has to teach me each year. Ultimately, I'm so very blessed by the people I get to live life with and by the God who has so much patience with me. I can't wait to see what this school year holds!

Laziest dilemma ever!

I was talking to my friend Nicole about how I was feeling super lazy and didn't feel like going upstairs to get ready for bed...here's how the conversation went:

Me: So I have this dilemma...where I want to go to bed, but don't want to go upstairs and get ready for bed. LAZY LAZY LAZY.

Nicole: Well, this sounds serious.

Me: Doesn't it, though?

Nicole: We need to figure out a way for you to work through it...

Me: Counsel me Nicole...

Nicole: I think your best bet would be to stand up. Lol...I'm not good at this.

Me: LOL

Nicole: Just suck it up and walk up those stairs!

Later on...

Nicole: BRITTTANY! Man up and get your butt upstairs! Brush your teeth and wash your face!...Did it work?

I love friends who are so honest...and hilarious!

The Voice

So I'm sitting here in the office watching The Voice with Lindsay and I thought that I should record some of our thoughts from the performances.

Brittany:

• "Frenchie always picks songs that I like...that's probably the only reason I like her."
• I love Dia. So much. If I could transplant a voice to my vocal chords it would be hers. Really, it would be Javier's, but it might freak people out if I started singing like a man.
• Dia kicked some ask! (yes...I meant what I typed...see youtube video)
  
• I don't know what I feel about Casey yet. I don't think we'd be friends in real life but she's got some talent.
• Casey looked like an angel in her little dress...and her little shoes. (Actually...the cowboy boots were really strange with that dress...not a fan).
• I just keep hoping Adam will ask me to marry him.
• "It's a Fancy Feast commercial...which makes it awesome."
• I wasn't a fan of Blake Shelton before this show...but he absolutely melted my heart with how he cares for his team! Oh my goodness gracious...
• "Good thing you can't vote, Lindsay." (regarding her desire to vote for Xenia over Dia...)
  

Lindsay:

• "Please don't do another sex song!" (referring to Nakia)
• "I just wish you would cut your hair and shave some of your beard...that would make me happy" (even though this is about the VOICE....hmmm)
• Lindsay wasn't so sure that Dia's song was a good choice...she changed her mind.
• "You just think she's hot!" (referring to Adam referring to Casey)
• "Barf" (referring to Casey saying she's been in love at 18)
• "Does he love Jesus?" (referring to my love for Adam)
• "Eww! I do not want to be taken by the tongue! K thanks bye!" (talking about the song Adam and Christina sang)
• Lindsay did not like the Fancy Feast commercial. hahahahaha
• "I want to be hugged by Blake Shelton"
• "Brittany...you need to go on The Voice so that Blake can be your papa bear...don't make it weird."
  

Lindsay's choice to win: "Oh my gosh...Javier!"
Brittany's choice to win: Javier...duh.

Lindsay's choice to win (excluding Javier...which would be tragic): Xenia
Brittany's choice to win (excluding Javier...which would be tragic): Dia!!! Holla!

Life...

So I was downstairs in my house and a book on the table by the door grabbed my attention: Abba's Child. I think it might be Erika's book, but I was bored and had heard really great things so I grabbed it and went upstairs to read a little bit of it. After reading the first chapter, I have no doubt that it was Jesus that moved my eye to that table and had me pick up this book.

I've been struggling lately with the concept of giving myself grace when my heart just doesn't follow what my head knows is right. Sometimes I find myself dealing with some emotional stuff that I used to scoff at when I was younger and I just refuse to allow myself to be where I am in the journey of healing from it. I'm not sure if you ever feel that way, but I decided that I needed to share this passage from the book, just in case...

"To feel safe is to stop living in my head and sink down into my heart and feel liked and accepted...not having to hide anymore and distract myself with books, television, movies, ice cream, shallow conversation...staying in the present moment and not escaping into the past or projecting into the future, alert and attentive to the now...feeling relaxed and not nervous or jittery...no need to impress or dazzle others or draw attention to myself...Unself-conscious, a new way of bieng with myself, a new way of being in the world...calm, unafriad, no anxiety about what's going to happen next...loved and valued...just being together as an end in itself."

I'm praying that I might be able to live out what the passage talks about...learning to accept myself with all of my weird quirks and struggles, not in spite of them. You know...like Jesus does.

Love you guys...

When you ask Jesus to make you dependent on Him..

...you better believe he will follow through!

Wesley (the campus ministry that I'm involved in) is challenging us this week in several areas of our life to really give ourselves to the Lord and make ourselves dependent on Him. Let's just say it's beautiful, challenging, fruitful, sucky, and necessary all at once.

Along with the corporate things that Wesley is doing, I decided to get off of FB for a week. I seriously sat and debated my decision about that for 20 minutes or so. Hello, it was so necessary. I just want this week to be about me setting my priorities where they should be. In order to do that, I sometimes have to just totally take myself from the things of this world that distract me and then slowly allow them back into my life in reasonable amounts. I'm an all or nothing kind of girl so this "in moderation" lifestyle has never come easy to me.

Something to look forward to this weekend is Women's Retreat! I have a hard time believing that it's already upon us and I absolutely cannot wait to spend my weekend with some incredible women who love the Lord. Then...the Bahamas! I can't even believe that in a week and a half I will be on an airplane with our Freshley team on our way to do some construction work and love on some Bohemian people. It's freaking me out...in such a good way. If you want, join me in prayer that the Lord would start preparing everyone involved. He's sure to work amazing things in every heart.

Growing Up...

Currently, I'm struggling with decisions about school.

I have some options...

• Take some summer classes (if one is offered honors), then take an additional class with Internship 1 and be on track to graduate in 4 years.
• Drop honors and graduate in 4 years, no problem.
• Finish my honors classes next semester, have the summer off, and graduate in 4 1/2 years.

It's great to have options. Really, it is. I'm so blessed to even be able to go to school. It's just slightly overwhelming. I won't know if the honors class is offered until February 28th, and I have to get my internship application in by Tuesday. I'm definitely going to apply for internship because I can withdraw my application if I need to but I can't apply late.

If you want, you can join me in prayer as far as discernment goes. I'm also praying about what to do as far as grad school goes. There are even more options for that. Bah! Although choices can be overwhelming at times, I'm so thankful to have them. I'll just feel a little better when decisions have been made. My 1 (http://similarminds.com/test.html) coming out, I suppose...:)

Main Type Overall Self Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Lessons as of late...

I'm so in love with the ways in which the Lord is speaking to me lately

I'm learning a lot about one thing in particular...

...that Jesus can do amazing things in my heart through what's happening in other people's lives.

A couple Wesley's ago we were talking in leadership and felt like the Lord was really calling us to pray. So, we did. We had no sermon that night, just spent some time in worship and in prayer. I knew that the Holy Spirit was thick in that place, but I just wasn't "feeling" it. I'm such an emotional person and that can be a good and bad thing in my walk with Jesus. We got about halfway through the service, and then it smacked me in the face. It's not about me.

God started to gently remind me of all the things I have to be thankful for, and for the incredible season of life that He has me in at this moment. As people were getting up and sharing about their struggles, victories, brokenness, etc., I was reminded of how much community means. My purpose for that night was not to have Jesus move in my heart personally, but it was to be there for people who needed support. I'll have you know, that Jesus did end up moving in my heart, but not until I looked back and realized why I was there that night.

I'm hoping that in this season, God teaches me a lot about what it means to look at the world through His eyes. What it looks like to be there for hurting people, to devote myself to intercession, and to be thankful for His many blessings. It's sure to be an adventure!

I really fail at this...

I always promise myself that I'm going to get better at blogging...
...if I keep saying it maybe it will become true.

I always start a blog and then never finish it because so much has happened since the last time I wrote anything. I'm not even sure that I could fit all the craziness of the last couple months in a blog, so I'm not even really going to try. Jesus has been doing a whole lot in me recently, so we can just talk about that. :)

• I've been reading through the book of Isaiah lately, and I was getting really depressed in it towards the beginning. I think I was feeling this way because I saw so much of myself in the countries that were rebelling against the Lord. He constantly reminds me of His faithfulness and I constantly forget. Then, I hit Isaiah 40. ^1-2 "Comfort, oh comfort my people,"
  says your God.
  "Speak softly and tenderly to Jerusalem,
  but also make it very clear
  That she has served her sentence,
  that her sin is taken care of—forgiven!
  She's been punished enough and more than enough,
  and now it's over and done with."
  

• This passage brings me to tears almost every time I read it. It's like Jesus put it in the Bible just for me (don't you love it when Scripture feels so personal?). This past fall, satan really did a work on me...trying to make me believe that I haven't really been made new by the blood of Christ. It was one of the darkest times of my life and I've never felt more anxiety. I knew the Truth in my head, but the lies were so much "easier" for my heart to believe. I don't have the capacity to understand how Jesus sees us as new people (really), because as a human I hold onto things. Thankfully, after much prayer, repeition of truth, and support from friends, I came through the season with a better understanding of grace and redemption. I'm so thankful...

• Here recently, Jesus has also urged me to have a conversation with someone that had needed to happen for a long time. Without going into much detail, I was amazed at how much healing the conversation brought to my heart. The Lord's freedom is a sweet, sweet thing and it's plentiful when we listen to what He calls us to do.
  

• Freshley is blowing my mind. I love our boys, but I have been so blessed by our girls recently. They each follow the Lord so faithfully in their own sepeate situations. When He speaks, they listen...and put their trust in Him for whatever might happen next. I can only hope that by spending time with them that they might rub off on me. I love them all so dearly and am so excited to see what the Lord has for their lives this semester.
  

I want to end this post with some encouragement for anyone who might be going through one of those dry seasons...
"God doesn't come and go. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind."-end of Isaiah 40

Love ya'll...