So often, stuff in life makes it hard to remember God's faithfulness and goodness. Do I understand why Jessie's dad passed away the night before his granddaughter's christening and the week before his son's wedding? Do I even really get why he's gone at his young age? No. I can't and won't act like this stuff isn't hard, or heart-breaking, or that it makes perfect sense to me.
After I received the news early this morning, it totally did not sink in. I don't think it did until I was at church. Before the service starts every Sunday we have a time called "calibrate". Our pastor gives us something to chew on and some time to get focused and in the mindset of worship. Today's little snippet was about God being our Father and how He is ultimately the best one we could ever ask for and is always faithful and just. I started bawling immediately. The song that followed, "Your Grace Is Enough" did not help to end the tears. I hate crying and being open with my emotions in front of people, butttt, it was so good this morning. Just being open and honest before the Lord.
He has been teaching me so much about being fulfilled in him these past few weeks. The transition to Franklin has been wonderful, but making friends has been difficult. If we're being honest here, there have been times up here where I've felt more alone than I ever have. Without family, close friends, and people I'm familiar with for hundreds of miles it was easy to become overwhelmed. One night, I was doing quiet time and came across some verses that slapped me in the face (in a good way, of course).
"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
-Psalm 16:8-11
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging."
-Psalm 46:1-3
"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds."
-Psalm 77:11-12
I've heard the song "You're Grace Is Enough" hundreds of times (studio, anyone?) and unfortunately that over-exposure can sometimes make the message seem trite (thanks for the word, Anna). I sing the words, but so often forgot the true depth and meaning they express. Do I really always remember that His grace is more than enough for me? That as long as I have Him (and praise the Lord, He's always there) I am more than fulfilled? Absolutely not. This morning, I felt it.
I might be "alone" up here as in not having many close friends but my best one is always with me, and ultimately, He's all I need. Living up here has been an incredible learning experience in how to depend on the Lord and enjoy Him as a companion in life. Learning how to live life with Him and make him a part of every moment. Tragedies like Jessie's dad passing exemplify our dependance on the Lord and how He is the our only ever-present help in times of struggle.
I'm sure all our prayers are with their family in this incredibly hard time. God is unbelievably good, even in the hard times. I love you girls so much, and probably don't say that enough. But I do, and stuff like this makes me want to make sure that you know it. You guys are beyond precious to me...and praise God even more precious to Him. How are we even so lucky?
-Brit
